Love, Dating, and Romance

Love And Relationships

This is a page about love and relationships, and its purpose is to explore what people really want from love and relationships.

Different Perspectives on Love and Relationships

When it comes to trying to figure out what men and women want from love and relationships, it's like trying to say that two people have the same fingerprints. Different people view love and relationships differently. Two of my best friends have been dating each other for something like...four years now. She's 35 and he's 38. He's been married before, she hasn't. He has one child from his marriage but would like to have more, yet he's really gun-shy about getting married. She also wants to have kids, but unlike him, she wants to get married. He's been dead-set against it for quite some time, telling her that most guys don't ever really want to get married, and they only do it if they're afraid they'll lose the girl or if they're ready to have kids. He said a lot of his friends who are married aren't happy, and that scares him too. He said the next time he gets married, he wants it to be for good because he's not going through another divorce. He told her to give him an ultimatum and he'd get married. Well, you can imagine how well these conversations have gone over with her. But lately, his friends have been having kids and the same old question has been coming up: "So when are you two getting married and having kids?" (This, by the way, is a horrible, horrible question to ask a couple.) Usually he comes up with some sort of answer that leaves her with all sorts of questions about their relationship, and later, they end up arguing. But when people have asked lately, his response has been, "I have a plan." Much to her delight and surprise, his plan is for them to be engaged by the end of this year.

Another friend of mine was dating this girl that he was clearly in love with, but she kept pushing the issue of marriage. This lead to many breakups in their relationship, and one day when they were broken up and he was missing her, he asked my opinion. He asked, "Can you really see me married and being a dad someday?" I'd seen him around kids before, and I had to be honest when I told him I could. They ended up getting back together, but he told her he wasn't ready to get married yet and she had to stop pushing him. So she did. And a year later, he said, "Guess what? I'm going to propose to Deb this weekend." I asked about all of his former misgivings and if she'd been pressuring him again, and he said, "No. Not at all. I'm ready. She hasn't been pressuring me and I want to do it."

So what does it take for men to stop being so afraid of love and relationships, commitment, marriage, etc.? I don't know if we'll ever know. It seems to be in a woman's nature to want all of those things. (Again, I mean most women. I don't want to make any sweeping generalizations here about anyone.) Most women who are in relationships with men who seem wishy-washy when it comes to marriage find that patience pays. My husband went from seeming to like the idea of us being married....someday (or so I thought) to suddenly "not knowing if he ever wanted to get married." (This was after a good friend of his was dumped and was going through a stage of hating women and wanting to party all the time. See a connection there? I suspected one, but I let it go.) Anyway, I was patient, my friend was patient, and my friend's girlfriend was patient. The result? I married my boyfriend, my friend is getting a proposal soon and my other friend married his girlfriend and they now have two beautiful children. We're all having great success with our relationships.

So you might not have learned much from this page. Or maybe you have. One thing is certain though, and that's that men and women can't figure each other out.

Related Resources: